The Path to Peace

I have recently embarked on a new approach to parenting my two girls.  After hitting bottom with my oldest, I decided that it was time to seek help.  Initially, I thought to look for outside help because obviously what we were doing was not working.  Outbursts were frequent daily.  Yelling was becoming the norm.  Tears flowed freely and emotions were running high.  The distance between us was growing every day.  It was not healthy.  If this is how it is now, where are we going to be during the teen years?  I started doing some research online.  I stumbled upon a book, Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  As a parent, I found it hard to admit that what I was doing wasn't working.  Surely it wasn't me, was it? 

In a nutshell, the book focuses on emotional intelligence and being an emotional coach for your kids.  You essentially coach them on how they are feeling and how to express those feelings with words.  I am only about half way though the book, but I have started to use some of the ideas with my girls...mostly the oldest one.  I have started consistently using a calm voice when outbursts start.  Helping her label her feelings and express them with words.  Coaching her on how to talk calmly to her sister, dad, and me to express what she is feeling and what she wants.  The biggest difference is that I acknowledge her feelings and validate them.  I realized that I used to dismiss her feelings if I didn't think they were warranted.  Now, I have to look at the situation from her point of view.

I will admit that these past couple of days have been hard.  But I have seen some positive changes, so we will forge ahead.  I know it will take time, and there will be setbacks.  I spent some time online today doing some more research.  There is a some info on emotion coaching and other books to use as points of reference.  I was specifically looking for some sort of online group of parents that use this approach.  Kind of like a sounding board.  I found nothing.  I find it hard to believe that in the vast world of the Internet there is not a community of parents that take this approach. 

My solution was to turn to this blog.  A blog that is read by few no one.  None the less, it will give me an opportunity to "share" my successes and failures.  Maybe just getting it out will help me to sort out some of the ideas bouncing around in my head.  Some of the thoughts may be random.  Some of the writing may be stream of conscience.  Hopefully it will lead to a better understanding of the feelings we all are feeling and a deeper connection with the girls and them with each other. 

I am hopeful...