A little over three year ago, as my oldest daughter was on the cusp of her middle school years, an article popped up in my Facebook feed. The article, "Why I Let My Daughter Dye Her Hair Blue", is a must read for all parents. It resonated with me and lingered in the back of my mind throughout her middle school years. For the most part middle school was pretty tame. The limits weren't pushed too much. She made good choices and good friends. The article slowly faded from my mind until the end of 8th grade.
Middle school culminates with a "formal" dance. This is put on by the PTO at a location in town, not at school. In typical school dance fashion, most girls go all out...hair, make-up, dress, and heels. As my daughters was in joggers and Crocs more often than not, attending this dance was not on the top of her to-do list. She was being pressured by her friends to go. Not only was this the celebration of the end of middle school, but just a few short days later we would be moving. After three years of building friendships, this was the final school moment these girls would share before my daughter moved on to high school in a new town. After much back and forth, she reached the decision to attend. While I thought it was important for her to go and close this chapter, I wanted her to reach the decision on her own. You know, the more we as parents suggest the more teens resist. The dress was bought, the hair was straightened, and the shoes were white classic Crocs. Wait, what??? As she adamantly stated, "these shoes make me me." She was going to this dance, but on her terms. At that moment the article from three years ago popped back in my head, and I simply said ok. Why can't she take that part of her to the dance? The part that doesn't care what others think, the part that lets her feel comfortable in a situation that really is not "her". I'm sure there was plenty of judgement by other parents and other kids, but does it really matter? She will forever be remember as the girl who wore Crocs...to everything!
As parents we need to honor decisions made by our teen children. We are here to guide and support, but ultimately her decision to wear the Crocs was not earth shattering or life changing. It was an 8th grade dance. Those shoes gave her the confidence she needed to wear the dress, feel comfortable in her own skin, and have one last night of fun with her middle school friends. She carried this with her to her new school as well. Fast forward a few months, and we find ourselves getting ready for dance #2, but the first as a freshman in a new high school and a new town. This one went down a little differently. She was asked by a boy, sign and all. This time, she wanted the dress, the shoes (flat sandals, not heels), and the hair. Pictures before with parents present and a not so great time at the dance...maybe it was the shoes, but more than likely it was the whole premise. So it was declared that dances just "weren't her thing". Along comes winter and with it dance #3. Much like dance #1 she was very on the fence about going. It was Sadie Hawkins and there was no way she was asking a boy. Lots of kids go in groups and as friends. She had made a new group of friends since dance #2 and she was one of the only ones from the group not going. She stuck to her mantra "Dances just aren't my thing." That is until about 6 hours til dance time. In less than 6 hours she found a dress, asked a boy from her friend group, and ended up getting ready with a group of girls; most of whom she did not know. The best part of this story is she wore her high top Converse. Once again my girl put her touch on the dance and she had a great time. Moral of this story is don't be afraid to be you. I'm sure she was judged my kids that night and I am sure that some parents judged me. But at the end of the day - does it really matter? I'm proud of my daughter for having a strong sense of self and not worrying about what others think. You do you.
Middle school culminates with a "formal" dance. This is put on by the PTO at a location in town, not at school. In typical school dance fashion, most girls go all out...hair, make-up, dress, and heels. As my daughters was in joggers and Crocs more often than not, attending this dance was not on the top of her to-do list. She was being pressured by her friends to go. Not only was this the celebration of the end of middle school, but just a few short days later we would be moving. After three years of building friendships, this was the final school moment these girls would share before my daughter moved on to high school in a new town. After much back and forth, she reached the decision to attend. While I thought it was important for her to go and close this chapter, I wanted her to reach the decision on her own. You know, the more we as parents suggest the more teens resist. The dress was bought, the hair was straightened, and the shoes were white classic Crocs. Wait, what??? As she adamantly stated, "these shoes make me me." She was going to this dance, but on her terms. At that moment the article from three years ago popped back in my head, and I simply said ok. Why can't she take that part of her to the dance? The part that doesn't care what others think, the part that lets her feel comfortable in a situation that really is not "her". I'm sure there was plenty of judgement by other parents and other kids, but does it really matter? She will forever be remember as the girl who wore Crocs...to everything!
As parents we need to honor decisions made by our teen children. We are here to guide and support, but ultimately her decision to wear the Crocs was not earth shattering or life changing. It was an 8th grade dance. Those shoes gave her the confidence she needed to wear the dress, feel comfortable in her own skin, and have one last night of fun with her middle school friends. She carried this with her to her new school as well. Fast forward a few months, and we find ourselves getting ready for dance #2, but the first as a freshman in a new high school and a new town. This one went down a little differently. She was asked by a boy, sign and all. This time, she wanted the dress, the shoes (flat sandals, not heels), and the hair. Pictures before with parents present and a not so great time at the dance...maybe it was the shoes, but more than likely it was the whole premise. So it was declared that dances just "weren't her thing". Along comes winter and with it dance #3. Much like dance #1 she was very on the fence about going. It was Sadie Hawkins and there was no way she was asking a boy. Lots of kids go in groups and as friends. She had made a new group of friends since dance #2 and she was one of the only ones from the group not going. She stuck to her mantra "Dances just aren't my thing." That is until about 6 hours til dance time. In less than 6 hours she found a dress, asked a boy from her friend group, and ended up getting ready with a group of girls; most of whom she did not know. The best part of this story is she wore her high top Converse. Once again my girl put her touch on the dance and she had a great time. Moral of this story is don't be afraid to be you. I'm sure she was judged my kids that night and I am sure that some parents judged me. But at the end of the day - does it really matter? I'm proud of my daughter for having a strong sense of self and not worrying about what others think. You do you.
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